EyeCeyE (aka Iain.C) In the studio (Qwax Records) Recording the recent 'Psychogenic Fugue' album...

The Disabled Fable...

Just thought I'd share a moment with you....

Due to my obsessive pre-occupation with the therapeutic properties of Cannabis, as you will see in the post below. I began looking through a rack of newspapers and magazines devoted to the disabled.
This was while I was at University, so I had time to spare, as you can imagine.

I began reading one of the publications, I can't remember which one. The paper had an interesting article on how one disabled sufferer began using Cannabis when someone recommended it and it changed her life. I continued reading through the newspaper until I came to a page devoted to readers letters. The topic for today....sex!! Disabled Sex!!

I had wanted to put down the newspaper by this point but this was too intriguing not to delve further. I read on. One guy was complaining how embarassing and difficult it was for him to masturbate. He clearly could not get a girlfriend and due to a physical palsy, he could not use his hands. During reading this, I actually became enlightened to a whole world that I had never considered before. I read further. Another guy had replied to this guy's letter. He began, "I really felt for you when I read about the difficulties you were having achieving orgasm, people believe that just because you are disabled.....blah, blah, blah, I was about to give up, when he states, "...I was fortunate enough to be assigned a physiotherapist who was very understanding(?) . When it was time for my bath, she would place a towel over my genitals and begin rubbing me slowly until I came." Hold the fucking phone here!!!!! She did what?? Surely that's not in the fucking job description!!

(dial) ..."What's that you say, Mr EyeCeyE? You have a serious back complaint, and you need a physiotherapist sending for right away?!"
"Yes doc, its worse than I thought, I can't even use my arms anymore........."

Its good to see we haven't moved on at all ! ! 

Government allows people with AIDS to 'suffer' !!!!

Friday, 27th May

I just received an email from the LCA (Legalise Cannabis Alliance) to whom I am a member, and have been for the last few years. The email highlighted that the government have basically turned down the appeals that Cannabis should be available to 'genuine' sufferers of illnesses such as Multiple Sclerosis and AIDS.

Only last year the government disallowed the license of the drug, 'Sativex' (GW Pharmaceuticals) to be given. The drug would have allowed 'sufferers' to finally be prescribed the drug on the NHS. The 'sufferers' of certain physical ailments find that only Cannabis can reduce or completely alleviate their pain. They have tried the already approved prescription drugs and most of them come with a generous dose of terrible, debilitating side effects.

For the past 5 years or more, I have been closely studying the work of Dr. Geoffrey Guy, a man who set up his own Pharmaceutical company, GW Pharmaceuticals, in order to solely find funding for, and finally research the medicinal properties of Cannabis. I frantically read everything I could whenever the research had reached a new phase, to gain new insights into how this drug would be marketed. Having studied Cannabis for exactly half my life I was more than aware of the healing, and pain relieving effects that Cannabis can provide. I use it myself in order to improve my creativity, to relax me, to encourage meditation, to alleviate nausea due to its anti-emetic properties. People often believe Cannabis makes them feel sick but that is the tobacco mixed with it. There are naturally occurring Cannibinoids in the brain, in fact, the Cannibinoids in our brains have been produced far longer than the actual plant has been in existence!!Nicotine on the other hand is not natural, and is a stomach irritant. If you do smoke, smoke it pure, a bong, or vapouriser might not be as cool as a joint/spliff, but its a better high.
I also use Cannabis to allow me to 'listen' to my body, by that I am referring to the insights gained by the heightened awareness of your senses.

If you are sad, it lets you know why you are sad. If you are happy, it enables you to have intense recollections of past events far more vividly than you can normally, unless you are a god damn Zen Buddhist!

If you are hungry, or tired, it exaggerates each one to enable you to 'listen' more closely to what you're body is telling you. The trouble with our modern day, Western societies, is that we are all in too much of a hurry to stop and hear what our body is telling us. We can all listen to deadlines, we can all read clocks and know when we have to be somewhere, and most importantly we all have our routines, and it's all the deadlines, and habits, and routines that stop you listening.

Cannabis could alter our society. I am well aware that almost 98% of 16 year olds, in some parts of the country, use Cannabis regularly. Our culture somehow dictates that despite the high percentage of usage at this age, after 25 years old there is a huge decline, where the figure drops to much lower. I believe this is basic 'population- conditioning', by 25yrs most males, and females are regular attenders to their local pub.

Many have still continued their drug rebellions from their teens and have developed a more refined taste for narcotic usage and alcohol can now be used more in every day social occasions.

You know how to handle it better, your body is more used to it, your liver has increased its speed to accomodate it, and alcohol settles nicely into your life. Before you know it you are consuming it, for some, every few days, but for most, everyday, with the add on for the rationale....you know, the.....'but I never drink at home', and the 'but I never drink alone', or the 'I know its 10 pints, but its only once a week'

You are kidding yourself! Alcohol is being used to control you. Whether you like it or not, and I know drinkers (lets face it, theres a lot of you!) hate it when I talk about alcohol because many of you, not all, are hopelessly addicted so you rationalise your actions, or dress it up like we do with wine.

I was once on a course for basic drug awareness. It was a Uni thing, but my knowledge came in very useful, finally top of the class in something!!! (my mother would be so proud, if she didn't hate me so much!)

The question was raised, "Should alcohol be banned?" If you thought, yes, you had to stand at one end of the room, and if you thought, no, then you stood opposite. Now there was approx. 35-40 people in this room, and on the side for wanting it banned was me, and an old woman who was downright prudish about everything, kinda reminded me a bit of Ann Widdencombe now I think about it.

So there I stood facing a pack of vultures who viewed me as some kind of freak for being on the 'other side'!! I stood there feeling smaller by the minute, but valiantly announced, "How many of you can realistically go a week without craving a drink?!" A reasonable question I thought given the context of the debate. Jesus, I touched a nerve then. I was bombarded with such defensive shouting and uproar that I realised something very important. The frailty of human existence. The use of rationalisation to allow us to justify everything, no different from murderers rationalising their reasons for killing, like Peter Sutcliffe did by justifying to himself that he was ridding the world of prostitutes carrying out the devils work. I swear if I had made another similarly powerful 'question' I feel they may have got violent. So what was it about that statement that got their back up? I believe it was a true form of denial. Americans love the word, and due to this have diluted its term. The 'true' definition of denial was existing in this room. They had never heard such outrageous profanities. Not in their clean living, suburbian world anyway. It was almost like I had announced to a packed church on Easter Sunday that God doesn't exist! Their society has made the consumption of a poison that destroys braincells almost as quick as sniffing glue. It nurtures and waters your inner rage making you more and more aggressive leading to arguments, upset, and violence. (depending on person/situation obviously). It slowly, but surely, damages your pancreas, liver, bowels and increases the risk of heart disease by double, bowel cancer by double and increases your chances of stomach cancer. It does, however, make you feel 'good', loosens your inhibitions (society always has uses for that), takes the 'edge' off of daily life stresses, helps bridge the gap between work and play, encourages laughter in the right situation and can appear to help you sleep. Nobody is denying these things....but at what cost? is my question.

I have counselled numerous men and women from the young and old, to the rich and the poor. I have watched them all rot away slowly in the pursuit of a goal that doesn't really exist!
I have listened to the excuses of men, long forgotten by families and friends. Men who were once highly educated, and funny, mere illusions of themselves. 'This time will be different, this time I will blah, blah, blah...' Only after the seventh relapse in two years you start to question whether their 'pickled' brains are actually functioning well enough to stop their addiction. There comes a stage when they becomes more primitive, like wild animals. Later stage alcoholism is similar to studies I have read on addiction where scientist set up and experiment involving rats. The rats could give themselves a dose of cocaine on request by pushing a button or something. Each time, the rats continued to return time after time until every rat drugged themselves to death. They didn't have the 'advanced' intellectual capabilities to stop taking the drug. Instant gratification in all its glory. Later stage alcoholics are no different. They are on their way out and there is nobody, not even their wives or children who can stop them. One of my friends father's died at 44 a couple of months ago all drink related. He also looked about 65!

I have washed, toileted and dressed alcoholics who have been stinking of piss, who have shit their pants, and have bed sores on their arse and hips. Open wounds smelling of death, just days from being maggot infested. I have cleaned them up and sent them on their way, and then they have returned again, and again. From being physically unable to walk to the shops, they try driving. When they crash one too many cars no one lets them drive, so no way of getting booze, problem solved!! Not when taxi drivers will happily go to the shop, buy your whiskey, and deliver for a price. Bastards!!

In the end I grew tired of it. I used to give so much of myself. Every time thinking that I was the one to make a difference in their lives. Constantly convinced that if I wrote them a daily plan of what they had to do, given them cue cards to read at difficult times, given them phone numbers to ring, people to visit, groups to attend. Counted up their units, listened to their daily routines, their drinking habits. Compiled lists of activities to do instead of drinking. Written down all of the negatives about drinking and explored the positives in order to prepare properly for quitting. I can't fucking do it anymore!!!!!!!!

So, in writing this, I hope people out there in cyber land will begin to understand why the fuck I go on, and on about somethings. It's because I fucking care, if i didn't I wouldnt bother. To all of the people who can enjoy a drink without a problem, then good fucking luck to you.....but remember, you are the lucky ones.

One last comment....alcohols main sour point for me is that it 'weakens your soul!', and by that I mean, using it as so many do to alleviate stress and anxiety is weakenening people's abiilities to cope with daily life events, now known as stresses because people create so much of it. Yes, we have created stress. Stress only exists because we do more things than our body can cope with. If we took life a bit more leisurely then stress wouldn't exist, well it certainly wouldn't be 'daily'.
Nearly every person I have come across with depression is usually a mild/moderate/heavy drinker. Most of them are depressed because of the alcohol primarily and the depression secondary. This proving that the 'deprssant' effects of the drug and very real.

I have previously posted the suicide rates of 90+% of suicide attempts being alcohol related. If you believed what the newspapers say (particularly the Daily Mail, sorry to keep bringing it up!) then Cannabis is the drug that turns you 'insane'?!?

Oh, and Cannabis leads to heroin doesn't it? Nobody ever notices that the first drug most heroin users ever try is alcohol, but you never read about alcohol leading to heroin do you??

Please remember next time you are in an expensive restaurant spending all your hard earned cash on wine. Wine is only alcohol made with grapes not a 17th century crystal chandelier.
It doesn't matter whether its a 'cheeky little number' or 'would be divine with a salmon gravitas'. You have only created an elaborate way of disguising the fact that you now have an excuse to use a mind altering drug daily and at every social event.
It goes well with certain foods does it? Well, I think a prick in the arm and a hot rush of skag goes fantastically well with Ryvita and tarramasalata!! For fuck's sake!!! Is it just me, or is the world fucking mad????

I have gone hopelessly over the top yet again, and lost my way. I apologise, sometimes I find myself disappearing over the horizon, and yet as I watch myself go, I think to myself, 'I kinda miss the ol' guy already!...and I'm gone..

Right, the Cannabis argument........(I slap myself hard)

The bastard government have denied Sativex by GW Pharmaceutical to be licensed, thats what I said. Only a few months ago the green light was given for Sativex to be prescribed in Canada. A nation which are surprisingly quite forward thinking especially regarding drug policies.

The government, surprise, surprise, have an ulterior motive. Picture the Mafia, Cosa Nostra, whatever you wanna call them. They own the gambling dens, the government owns Pharmaceutical companies. The Mafia learn about a rival gambling den moving in offering more wins per buck, the government hears about a rival Pharmaceutical company with a drug that will lose them money by being a better product. If the government do license it, the nation will continue to grow their own... you see! That's whats wrong.... the government believe that if they give the green light to say officially that Cannabis is useful medicinally, it will increase consumption illicitally. They stand to lose out if they do. The other prescribed drugs they make a fortune on will not be used, and they will not be able to make up the loss with Sativex because people wont use it, they will just grow their own, but now with increased relish because the government say that they can, and should.

This is not the end, I plan on finalising this post with a guarantee that there is plenty more to come regarding the Cannabis debate.

One tip:Stop reading the Daily Mail, because it prints utter lies. It is no more upmarket than the Star or the Sun. It twists the facts, and the editor-in-chief is a small minded, anti-Cannabis supporter, which makes the playing field kinda unfair when you look at their circulation. Printed lies with an underlying motive....doesn't that remind you of.....PROPAGANDA!!

I will now print the letter I received (I should've just done that in the first place...sigh!)


NEWS WIRE

"An attempt to effectively legalise the use of cannabis for the relief
of
chronic pain was rejected by the Court of Appeal today.
Three judges ruled against argument that conduct which would otherwise
be
unlawful was "excused or justified by the need to avoid a greater evil"
and
that the defence of necessity should be available to those who used or
supplied the Class C drug to alleviate severe pain.
The court had been told that cannabis was more effective than
conventional
forms of pain relief and did not have the potentially serious and
life-threatening side-effects of alternative treatments.
But the judges ruled that the defences of necessity or duress should be
confined to cases where someone committed what would otherwise be an
unlawful act to avoid "imminent danger of physical injury''.
mfl
The court dismissed appeals by Barry Quayle, 38, from Market Rasen,
Lincolnshire; Reay Wales, 53, of Ipswich; Graham Kenny, 25, from
Shipley,
West Yorkshire; and Anthony Taylor, 54, and May Po Lee, 28, both from
London.
All had been given either a fine, community service or suspended jail
sentence for possessing or importing the drug.
The judges also ruled that the defence of necessity should not have
succeeded in the case of Jeffrey Ditchfield, of North Wales, who was
acquitted of possessing the drug with intent to supply it to victims of
serious and painful medical conditions.
Despite the decision, Mr Ditchfield cannot now be convicted of the
offence.
The court heard that Mr Quayle had both legs amputated below the knee
and
suffered pain from damaged tissue and "phantom limb'' sensation.
Mr Wales had used cannabis to relieve the pain of serious bone and
pancreas
conditions.
Mr Kenny smoked cannabis to relieve chronic back pain.
Mr Taylor ran a holistic clinic in King's Cross, north London, with
some 700
patients, many suffering from Aids or MS.
Ms Lee was a former employee at a health shop run by Mr Taylor below
his
clinic.
They were both convicted of importing the drug."



Show your support:

www.lca-uk.org/

Bret during the filming of 'Revenge of the Shaolin Monks'.  

Oh! Mr Sandman..... Bring me a dream.....

I was having an interesting conversation last night about 'dreams'. During the conversation I suddenly remembered that about 18 months ago I had probably the most fucked up dream ever.
The basic structure of the dream was similar to the 'delirious' hallucinations I had when I was really sick as a young child. A terrifying nightmare of huge proportions. In fact, I would even go so far as to say as frightening as a bad trip on acid, or mushrooms.

I often have what they call, 'lucid' dreaming. When you become aware that you are dreaming. Some people go one further and can manipulate what happens in the dream. If you are really skilled in 'dreamcraft' you can create and change the actual environments but that is a rare accomplishment.

I was fortunate enough to be having a lucid dream on this night, when I recall something bad happening, but I can't remember exactly what. I also recall not being able to escape or move unlike some of my dreams which are the complete opposite. Who knows what decides on the physics of dreams...

I remembered that I had a large hole in my hand from some sort of accident. I later found that amusing because of 'stigmata', but at the time that never crossed my mind. Anyways, I had become so freaked in the dream that I awoke with a 'jolt' in my bed with my wife sleeping beside me. I glanced around the room slowly and I can recall the sound in the bedroom not being right. I looked at my hand and there was a hole with blood coming out of it still. This scared me so much that I properly woke up this time, with my heart pumping like I had run the 100 metres sprint. I leaned over to hug my wife (I was proper scared!!) and then I noticed my hand was still bleeding...

I swear to god, this repeated two more times, and each time my bedroom became more life like, until the last time, I screamed for my life, and when I awoke I checked my hand and it was ok, but because I could no longer differentiate reality with dreams at all, I shook my wife awake. Although she calmed me down, and called me a 'twat', I still wonder sometimes to this day....

"What if I never woke up? What if I'm still dreaming??!!?"

... 

"What if this is as good as it gets?!?"

They are getting worse. Sometimes I find it hard to push them away like I used to be able to do. They are much more intense. Hotter.....like burning inside my head. With heat comes light, but at what price. The price of illumination and hence the development of my self-actualised ego is that of misery. Total, unadulterated misery, on a scale only comparible of the screaming souls at the Nazi prisoner of war camps. The stench of their decaying flesh sends a whiff of the immortal towards the ever-oppressing thoughts. Thoughts that stagnate, never shifting, not through tide, nor wind. Thoughts that grip to my grey matter like those flowers in spring that stick to your clothes....the one that inspired the creation of velcro. I will look up their name one day...
The thick, slimy residue of the darkest of these thoughts...the thought that deserves a name, and yet, if it had one, may become the greatest of all, and be known throughout the land of my conciousness. This sickly, poisonous gas of vulgarity, this noise polluting, aging, tension enhancing, destroyer of innocence has a grip of me. I told someone about this particular one the other day....I knew I shouldn't, but then I remembered, "Should's, ought's, must's.... assess your guilt. Does it stem from your own moral disappointment or the disappointment of others. Not managing to reach their high, self imposed standards on which we all should live. If they didn't push me in the first place, I wouldn't be here now, would I? I wouldn't be ranting on to strangers about potentially omnipotent, invasive thoughts that set about with the intention of ruining my almost calibrated conscience, confiscating what purity I may have left in this morally corrupt, ethically crumbling existence we call 'living'. If they planted the seeds of my own creation then I am the Dutch Elm. Standing tall and strong, yet inside dying of a silent disease.

It's that anger that burns...the hot, yellow fire that is fuelled by the thought. The thought comes. The longer its around the more it multiples, and corrupts the other thoughts around it, my senses become consumed with it, I can taste it, and feel it, it hits my nervous system, I reel back with goose pimples, and then I hate.....and I hate......and I hate, until I start to shake, my hands gently shivering, my stomach tight like I've swallowed a live fish, churning and gurgling, occasional pain, then a twinge of IBS. I start to fantasise about the pain, seeking revenge, over and over and over again....creating scenario's, potential situations, occasion's to allow the revenge to occur, to relieve this nagging pain inside. I can no longer drown my butterflies, so tonight I must allow the warm, freshly scented memories of holidays in Italy, trips to the beach, treehouses as a kid, I let the thoughts of sunny days playing out with friend, reflecting on the dreams I had at 16 of what I wanted to be, and compare that with who I am now. I let these thoughts in....these are good thoughts, these are fucking brilliant thoughts. These are the kind of thoughts I would need to stay sane if imprisoned like Terry Waite. Blindfolded, and held hostage, those thoughts would be handy. But what if the other thought was to take over...fuck!!" No where to go, just you and your thoughts, nothing to see, nothing to hear for the most part, and fuck all to smell or taste. Then comes the thought, nowhere to run, what do you do?? What can it do?
The scent of flowers radiating from these thoughts boosts your 'hope', buys you time, makes you relish, have passion, feel good, truly feel good. If I could bottle that feeling then I would be a billionaire.

'What if this is as good as it gets?!" well, Jack, what if it is? What then? Do we go on, happy with this knowledge, perhaps consume heavy amounts of alcohol to dull the senses, anaesthetise the memory banks, inject tiny portions of well being and laughter, interspersed with twanges of divinity, yes lets be honest. Even the tiniest of insects, the woodlice for example. His tiny world, insignificant to us, yet to him, the most important thing in this world....bar none! Is it any different with us, I mean is it? Who gives us the fucking right to stomp around this world trying to manipulate and control every habitat, and every food chain. We are the ones giving with one hand and taking with the other. Would there be a need for conservation had we not caused a fuck up in Mother natures grand scheme in the first place?
I believe in ying and yang, good versus evil, positives versus negatives, and balance and equilibrium. A homeostatic world of perfect balance. No peace without war, and no calm without a storm. Gaia Principles.
The thoughts they balance the mind. They should, but at present they don't balance. They balance much more than they did....
Meet EyeCeyE the scapegoat for them, punchbag for others, fucking arsehole to some, good friend to a few, and daddy to the most important!!
Is that balance, ????? Maybe...Definitely Maybe!

My little girl... 

That's Kung Fu to You...

I have not posted recently as I have been obsessively writing, directing, and producing a new short film with my old buddy, Bret Blue (who is definitely NOT in 'The Bridge Gang', got it?). The film is a dramatic, and artistic portrayal of two lone Shaolin monks who have been assigned by the Shaolin temple to basically, annihilate one another. The film involves quite difficult fight scenes using samurai swords, and the 'necessary' dubbed speech found in only the best martial arts films.
The Shaolin monks have long been a fascination for me, and it was highly enjoyable, despite the long hours in post-production getting the film finished. I can safely say it was all worth it, now it is complete.
I will endeavour over the next couple of weeks to get the film up on the web for others to view, and I will, of course be posting the link on 'The World of EyeCeyE' asap.

so for now at least, this is 'over and out'!!